John Travolta and Kelly Preston are having a ‘silent birth’

Because they’re Scientologists and crazy, John Travolta and Kelly Preston will follow Scientology guidelines and have a “silent birth.”

“No music, no talking and no screaming will be allowed during the pains of labor. Also their new son cannot be prodded for medical tests or spoken to for the first seven days of his life. You don’t want to do anything that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.”

Preston told Redbook magazine a few years ago that she tried to follow the church’s guidelines during the birth of daughter Ella Bleu, but after 13 long hours of labor, she told her husband, “Throw me in the car. I want an epidural!” However, due to traffic, there was not enough time to get Kelly to the hospital.

“This time around, Kelly is determined to follow her church’s guidelines,” an insider tells me. “Everyone who will be present at the birth has been given clear instructions to not make a sound.”

Is Scientology punishing babies for being born by giving them a 7 day timeout? Because that’s something I can get behind. If you haven’t noticed, babies are assholes and need to be taught a lesson.