Russell Brand has an amazing marriage

Newlywed Russell Brand opened up about his marriage on Loose Women, a way sexier sounding View-like talk show in England. He made Katy Perry sound delightful.

“It’s just a normal marriage,” Brand, 35, claimed, offering an anecdote as proof. “The other day, I put a shirt on and she went…’You’re wearing that shirt, are you?'”

Brand was initially taken aback by Perry’s command. “I thought, ‘That’s actually happening? That’s a thing off a sitcom. That happened in my actual life. I wasn’t allowed to wear it. If she says don’t wear that shirt, I don’t wear it,” he quipped, gesturing that “where i live” is under Perry’s thumb.

How depressingly normal. I was expecting crazier. Like Russell would tell Katy to f–k off and Katy would throw a bottle of Jack at his head. Not this. This is the type of conversation couples have before a murder-suicide.