Charlie Sheen’s Stomach Hurt, Rushed to Hospital

Charlie Sheen was taken out of his house on a stretcher this morning at 7 AM and taken to Cedars-Sinai. A source says “it’s serious.” Charlie apparently suffered from “severe abdominal pains” which prompted someone to call 911. Charlie’s mom and dad are with him at the hospital.

At the same time Charlie left with a towel over his face, so did two young women. Neighbors say Charlie threw a party last night and they heard women singing Red Hot Chili Peppers songs way into the night and early morning. Early prognosis? Hookers and blow. One of which wasn’t cleaned properly.

CBS still probably won’t care because it doesn’t affect production as Two and a Half Men is on a break this week. “Whew,” said a guy in a suit.