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Jessica Alba at the Vogue Paris Dinner Party

So here’s Jessica Alba at Fashion Week in Paris. She looks like she’s wearing a half-cape or something. A Gucci cape. That’s new. No one told me they were getting into the superhero business. I wish I’d had known before I bought this diamond encrusted Chanel jock strap.

Sorry if none of that made sense (Do superheroes wear jock straps? I assume they do). In my defense, I was distracted by Jessica Alba’s breasts.

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Jess should let her hair grow long again. She looks super uncomfortable with that crowd of stuffy elitists.

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