Kacey Jordan Already Lawyered Up, Charlie Sheen Just Had a Hernia

Kacey Jordan, whose phone is already blowing up because of this whole “I partied with Charlie Sheen and his bricks of cocaine” thing, has already hired a lawyer and is not commenting on what happened on Tuesday night. Possibly because she still thinks Charlie is going to buy her that baby blue Bentley convertible he promised. Haha, isn’t she the cutest?

On Wednesday, Kacey tweeted, “My life has changed.. Speechless :)” and followed it up with, “ok for all he fucking haters… i’m getting a baby blue convertable bentley next month so i dunno… HUSH fml.” Radar says this is Charlie’s MO and he’s made “numerous promises to the porn stars he was partying with.”

Meanwhile, TMZ says Charlie suffered a hiatal hernia in the stomach which causes acid and food to back up into the esophagus. It causes “horrible, horrendous pain.” Charlie is said to have had this condition for years. Hiatal hernia. Is that a euphemism for “I did too much cocaine”? I’m not up to date on my slang.

Whatever the case, another porn star that was rumored to be there that night was Melanie Rios. Unlike Kacey Jordan, she knows how to keep her mouth shut. She’s also 18, 5’3”, 97lbs, has a 32B and likes to party. I think that’s actually how Charlie picks out his porn stars. He googles, “porn star, likes to party” and just goes down the list.