P. Diddy Sued for $1 Trillion

One Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks — four names? oh yea, she’s definitely insane — wants a restraining order against P. Diddy aka Sean Combs for a laundry list of crimes. Some of them against humanity.

Turks says Diddy, his ex-girlfriend Kim Porter and Rodney King were responsible for the collapse of the World Trade Center. She also claims to have dated Diddy and that the two have a son together, Cornelius Wilson, 23. In addition to the restraining order, she also wants $900 billion in child support and $100 billion for “loss of income.” *Twirls finger around ear, backs away slowly* Her allegations are as follows:

She alleges that she has been subjected to abuse from 2001 – 2010 and that: “[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.”

Valerie then goes on to say in her statement that is riddled with spelling and punctuation errors: “He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.

“Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us.”

In summary, P. Diddy was responsible for 9/11, raped this woman 24 years ago, “knocked her down”, came back 18 years later with Kim Porter and Wallace Wright and gang raped her and her children and then insulted her. In addition, he stole her $100 zillion in Mississippi casino chips and her hospital keys, broke her baby’s two legs putting him in a wheelchair, raped her children again and left her devastated.

If I was a judge, I wouldn’t need to hear any more testimony. This is clearly an open and shut case. Hasn’t this woman suffered enough at the hands of Diddy, the rapist baby leg breaker thief? Judgment in the amount of $1 trillion goes to the plaintiff.

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