The dawdling idiot known as Snooki releases her first novel this week titled A Shore Thing. If you thought it’d be anything less than amazing, then you’re pretty good at seeing into the future. Hey, what are the Mega Million numbers?
Page Six released a few excerpts from this gripping novel and it sounds like a fantastic read.
* “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
* “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
* “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
* “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
* “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
* “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
Finishing this book is the equivalent of having your friend bash you over the head with a baseball bat and then force feeding you shots. Your neurons will have essentially withered and died from embarrassment.