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George Clooney Can Never Run for Office

George Clooney tells Newsweek that he could never run for office because “I f–ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth.” Hey, man. No one likes a bragger.

Clooney, who is called the “21st-Century Statesman” in the article, joked that if someone like him wanted to go into politics, they would have admitted to the skeletons in their closet much sooner in life.

“[They] would start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water,’ ” he said.

Well, uh, I… I’ve banged a lot of chicks too. By banged Clooney means “googled for porn” and by chicks he means “then cried into a pillow” right? Because, if so, then yea. I’ve done a lot of that. High five!

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pootietung

Because he was born into the position of Galactic Stool Pusher Forever by the aliens.

John
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John

Because he only dates DUDES!

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