Charlie Sheen Bombed His Live Show

Losing! Duh. In the least surprising news of the day, Charlie Sheen crashed and burned during his inaugural show in Detroit on Saturday night for Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth.

At around 9 p.m., Charlie “launched into a series of nonsensical rants from behind a podium.” The audience summarily booed him. Almost off stage.

In fact, his rants were so nonsensical that even Sheen seemed confused, and he stopped right in the middle of his speech, saying, “Is anybody as confused by this s–– as I am? The good news is, I wrote every [expletive] word.”

“Tonight is an experiment,” Sheen later told the crowd. “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.”

“I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories,” he said, before asking the audience, “Show of hands – who here has tried crack? Forget that. Who is holding crack right now? I don’t do crack anymore, but I’m just saying.”

Their reply? More booing.

In response, the embattled actor told the crowd, “Tell the guy next to you booing to shut the f–– up because he’s ruining it for the rest of you.”

Undaunted, Sheen made a second appearance in Chicago on Sunday night. It wasn’t as bad. Although not hard to do when your first show was the equivalent of watching babies being burned at the stake.

The audience in Detroit subjected Sheen himself to something of a Violent Torpedo of Truth as they booed, jeered and even walked out of the venue on Saturday night. But in a rare effort to self-improve, Sheen made changes to his show that resulted in a standing ovation at the Chicago Theatre on Sunday.

Replacing long video montages and skits that garnered criticism in Detroit, Sheen used a talk show format in Chicago, giving him ample opportunity to employ the Sheen-isms that elevated him to fame in the first place. The interview style proved successful: all 3600 audience members stayed in their $80 seats, some of them chanting “Detroit sucks” throughout the night.

Only an idiot would pay $80 to watch Charlie Sheen whine like a two-year-old. I’d rather spend $80 to have a girl stomp on my nuts with a pair of stilettos. It’d be much cheaper than the going rate.

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11 years ago

Can we get to the toxic levels of penicillin you need???

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