John Travolta Was Kirstie Alley’s Dance Doctor

In news that will really help those gay rumors, Kirstie Alley enlisted John Travolta to help her with her routine on Dancing With the Stars. A string of accidents have caused her to be the center of attention on YouTube recaps so she brought in “The Dance Doctor” to clear the bad “juju”.

“Last week we survived, but I don’t want anyone to have any doubts: I’m in this to win this. I want to be the frontrunner!”
Before performing her raunchy foxtrot to Lenny Kravtiz’s ‘American Woman’ on the show last night (18.04.11), Kirstie admitted she was hoping to “create magic” following her visit from ‘The Dance Doctor’ John.
She joked: “Now that we’ve had a session with ‘The Dance Doctor’, the bad juju is gone and with this dance, we’re going to create magic.”
Earning a score of 23 out of a possible 30 for the routine, judge Carrie Ann Inaba praised the duo for their “bold, ambitious and borderline crazy” take on the foxtrot.
Carrie said: “That was a different take on a foxtrot, but it absolutely suited you. It was bold, it was ambitious, it was a little borderline crazy! You did it – it was magical and I think it was your best dance ever!”

Of course Kristie Alley said “juju”. She probably licked her lips afterward and said, “Mmmm, jujubes.” More importantly, why is John Travolta a dance doctor. Saturday Night Fever was 14 years ago. Since then, his biggest achievement was magically growing his hair back. This is like Jennifer Love Hewitt calling herself “The Love Doctor”.

Here’s Maksim dry humping Kirstie and Kirstie trying to cop a feel. Actually I don’t know what they’re doing but this made the most sense.

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13 years ago

Kirstie Alley is seriously huge. I thought fat people didn’t have wrinkles. What’s with those witch-like hands of hers? She should botox her fingers, but then, how would she get those donuts in her mouth?

13 years ago

34 years dickhead.