Donald Trump just gave us the greatest gift he could ever give. He’s decided to end this charade of running for president. A bittersweet decision as it would have ensured years of SNL material. Why won’t anyone think of the comedians?!
“After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly. Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.”
He had more to say after that but the roaring applause and laughter from everyone in the world made it hard to hear. The only way Donald Trump would win a campaign for the presidency is if that wig on his head was an alien life form with mind control powers.
“SMELL MY FINGER, LIBERALS !!! ” he was heard to say…