ESC

Hugh Hefner Never Wanted to Marry Anyway

Playboy never got around to changing the cover of their new issue which still introduces “America’s Princess, Mrs. Crystal Hefner.” I doubt anyone notices though because they just skip to the boobs.

In related news, Crystal Harris told Ryan Seacrest that Hugh Hefner didn’t want to get married again anyway. Crystal then said the Playboy lifestyle wasn’t for her and wants to focus on her music career. Coincidentally, her single dropped the same day she and Hef broke off the engagement. Just call her Captain Publicity Whore, Commander of the SS I Hope My Boobs Distract From My Voice.

“I called it off because I didn’t think it was the right thing for me to do,” Harris told Seacrest this morning. “It was mutual between Hef and I, there was no fight, we sat down and we talked about it.”

“For a while I’ve been having second thoughts about everything. I haven’t really been at peace with myself lately. I didn’t think it was really fair to him…They were gonna air a show on it. It was al happening too fast for me.”

I feel sad for Hugh. What kind of man wants to die alone surrounded by a bunch of big breasted blondes waiting for their turn to ride him? What a sad, miserable life. Just terrible.

Luckily his former Playmates were there to comfort him:

“Just stopped by the mansion 2 give @hughhefner a hug. He seems to be handling this well. He even had a sense of humor about it! #LoveUHef” — Bridget Marquardt

“@hughhefner we r comin over w some jack n coke… oh n a pipe lol” (Note: This has since been deleted. I can’t imagine why.) — Kendra Wilkinson

“U r too sweet. Wish I was there to support, too! RT @KendraWilkinson: @hughhefner we r comin over w some jack n coke… oh n a pipe lol” (And that’s how you toss a bitch under the bus. RETWEET, HO!) — Holly Madison

By the way, Holly Madison couldn’t make it because she’s been cackling non-stop for the past two days.

Crystals’ single:

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