Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Are Pre-Engaged

It’s only been two months since Jennifer Aniston stole Justin Theroux away from his live-in girlfriend but a source says they’re already pre-engaged and that Jennifer already bought bridesmaid dresses for all her cats. That last part I made up but I assume it’s nevertheless true.

“They’re kind of pre-engaged,” a friend of Jen’s tells the magazine. “We keep saying, ‘whats with the rings? It’s only been a few weeks!’ But she says it feels right.”

Jen was spotted wearing a gold ring with her name on it in June and shortly after Justin was sporting the exact same one! Then at the Horrible Bosses premiere, Jen wore a huge diamond ring — she hadn’t worn a ring on her left hand since her divorce from Brad Pitt in 2005!

“He has always been somewhat cynical and pessimistic,” the source adds. “But he has a happy, upbeat vibe now, like he’s a better version of himself … Justin shaved his scruffy beard; he’s gone from looking like a dirty biker to a leading man. The motorcycle boots have been replaced by Gucci shoes. Jen has been spoiling him with facials and pedicures.”

This is good. In the past when she’s dated for more than two months, guys have run away. Now she has the sense to lock them down before they find her Brad Pitt hair doll and Angelina Jolie voodoo doll.