Gwyneth Paltrow Can’t Live Without These

I don’t know what it is about Gwyneth Paltrow that makes her such an easy target. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. She’s so far up her own ass that she’s un-relatable in any way. Every word that comes out of her mouth is so pretentious that you’d be surprised if she didn’t have a eunuch transcribing her every thought. Anyway, Gwyneth is really into design and she gave Elle Decor a list of things she can’t live without. Go ahead and guess one thing on this list.

1. De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper
I indulged with one wall in my London living room covered in a gorgeous pattern.

2. Seasonal Flowers
I like single-variety arrangements—peonies, hydrangeas, and white lilies—casually arranged.

3. Darren Almond’s Photography
His arresting, large-scale artwork brings a sense of majesty to a room.

4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns
I hung three of these at different levels in the stair hall so that we could pass them on our way up to bed at night.

5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub
It’s in the middle of my bedroom—perfect for a relaxing wind-down and for bathing the kids.

6. Juxtaposed: Religion Shelf
Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur’an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion).

7. Clothbound Penguin Classics
These gorgeous editions make the books so tempting to pick up, again and again. The ultimate cure for sore muscles.

8. YUBZ Retro Handset
A handset cuts down on cellphone radiation. I use this one for my BlackBerry calls.

Rich people will buy anything if you make up a good story to go along with it. Like the YUBZ Retro Handset which she says cuts down on radiation but in reality was probably designed to make the person using it look like a complete jackass. Gosh and here I am shooting cancer rays into my head like a fool.

After reading this, I’d probably die of embarrassment if I ever ate something as plain as a pb&j in front of her. Scratch that. Gwyneth would probably die of embarrassment for me.