Justin Bieber Brought a Snake Named Johnson

What would the MTV Video Music Awards be without Justin Bieber? Tolerable. But, whatever. He showed up anyway with a baby boa he calls Johnson. Tee hee. Get it? Because Johnson is a euphemism for penis. *Giggles like Justin Bieber*

“I have a snake. I have red pants. And I have cheetah shoes.” And what is the snake’s name, asked Gomez? Bieber: “My snake’s name is Johnson.” — EW

*Golf clap* Here’s the conversation EW had with him.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What your snake’s name?
JUSTIN BIEBER: Johnson.
Johnson! You dirty boy!
I know. [laughs]
Dude, your Johnson is small.
[Laughs and shakes his head.]
What is he?
Justin: It’s a boa constrictor. It’ll get like four feet. It’s gonna get big.
Has he peed on you yet?
Justin: No. I hope not!!

“Well, if you touch it, it’ll get bigger,” is what Justin should have said. Then everything would have gotten real awkward because it would sound like someone was hitting on a 17-year-old kid.