Gold Digging. You’re Doing It Wrong

At one point, Mel Gibson’s ex, Oksana Grigorieva, had a $15 million settlement in her hands. But Oksana wanted to play with the big girls so she decided to hold out for more.

Sadly for her, like Icarus, she flew too close to the sun that is Mel Gibson’s pocketbook and raging hard-on. An agreement was reached yesterday as part of their custody settlement. According to the terms, Oksana will only get $750,000 from Mel. Over five years. Bwahahaha.

The settlement will be paid in three installments of $250,000. The first was made when the deal was signed, the second on Sep. 15, 2013 and the third on Jan. 1, 2016.

Not only that, but originally, Oksana wanted full custody of their daughter Lucia. After yesterday’s ruling, she’ll have joint legal and physical custody of Lucia. The judge also said the house she and Lucia are living in now will be sold when Lucia turns 18 and the money put in a trust for Lucia.

Of course, another condition is neither couple can speak publicly about Oksana not blowing Mel before the hot tub.

Oksana supposedly said, “Thanks to the judge for the tremendous help to resolve this matter.” What she really wanted to do was drop to her knees, shake her designer purse at the heavens and scream, “Why has god forsaken me?!”