Jessica Biel Is Pregnant

Sort of. It’s a fake pregnancy for her film New Years Eve about several couples and singles in New York whose lives intertwine during New Year’s Eve. It’s like Crash for people with vaginas.

The film also stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Robert De Niro, Carla Gugino, Sofia Vergara, Zac Efron, Lea Michele, Abigail Breslin, Josh Duhamel, Alyssa Milano, Hilary Swank, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank, Halle Berry, Sienna Miller, Frankie Muniz, Julie Andrews, Ludacris, Ice Cube, John Stamos, Seth Meyers, Ryan Seacrest and the rest of Hollywood.

What the hell is this? Did someone drop a stack of flyers over Southern California promising gifting suites? Is this movie just a bunch of celebs crawling out of their homes like zombies mumbling “paaaaycheck, paaaaycheck.” Because that’s what it sounds like.

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