Jessica Simpson Not Getting a Breast Reduction

Everyone breathe a sigh of relief and wipe that sweat from your brow. Jessica Simpson is not getting a breast reduction.

Early this month, In Touch claimed Jessica Simpson was going to downsize her breasts to counteract the weight she put on. According to In Touch, Jessica believed a breast reduction would make her look smaller. A mildly believable story because Jessica is an imbecile.

Thankfully, it wasn’t true. Jessica went on Twitter to deny the rumor. “Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction…not to worry…I LOVE MY BOOBIES!! They aren’t going anywhere!” Whew. Because the only thing actually counteracting her weight gain were her expanding breasts. I’m glad to see the fat hasn’t gone to her head and constricted her brain.