Michael Lohan Arrested Jumping From a Balcony

Michael Lohan was arrested for the second time in a week after violating a judge’s order to not contact his girlfriend Kate Major who refuses to give him a blowjob. On Wednesday, Judge Walter Heinrich told Lohan, “If you even dream about her and you violate my order, you will go to jail.”

On Wednesday afternoon, Lohan violated that order. He called Kate while she was in front of the police. So if you’re wondering why Lindsay Lohan is such an idiot. It’s genetic.

Investigators say while officers were talking with Major at her apartment, Lohan called again. She put him on speakerphone and police listened in.

Police say Lohan seemed to want to work things out with Major. After five minutes, they told her to hang up the phone.

After checking with the State Attorney’s Office, Tampa Police decided Lohan had violated the judge’s no-contact order.

They went to the Tahitian Inn on S. Dale Mabry Hwy. in South Tampa at around 1 a.m. Thursday to arrest him. WTSP

That’s when Michael tried to escape by jumping from his balcony, falling on top of wooden high chairs and then hiding in some trees. Yes, Michael Lohan’s life is a cartoon. He’s like Pepe Le Pew if Pepe Le Pew was an abusive boyfriend.

“we saw the def fall from a 3rd floor balcony next to the one we were standing on. The def apparently leaped up from his balcony and grabbed a hold of the roof. He then must have scurried across the roof (about 30 feet) until he thought he was hanging over top of the next balcony. The def then let go but missed this balcony. He came crashing down on top of wooden high chairs that were laying on the ground. This fall was 34 feet (measured with laser). The def then hid in some trees directly below where he was apprehended.”

Michael was taken to the hospital instead of being processed because he may have broken his foot. Once he’s cleared by doctors, though, he’ll go straight to jail.

As usual, none of this was Michael’s fault. It was entrapment by the conniving Kate Major. Remember. Nothing is ever a Lohan’s fault.

“She keeps doing this. She needs help, she calls me, and I’m a sucker. I call back, and I’m an idiot,” Lohan said.

“So the problem his hers or yours?” photojournalist Van Williams asked.

“Well, she keeps calling — she was getting evicted from the apartment — she called up, and she said she needed help,” Lohan answered.

What we can learn from all this is Michael isn’t a bad guy, he just cares too much. So much so that sometimes he just needs to kick his girlfriend in the vagina or beat her for not giving him a bj. It’s for her own good.

Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments