Courtney Love Is Lindsay Lohan’s Sober Coach

According to Independent Woman, Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach. Because she’s the picture of mental health, you see.

“I’ve taken up Lohan because nobody else will. She’s further down the line than I was, because there was no [gossip website] TMZ then,” she told Details magazine. Independent.ie

Let that sink in. Courtney Love has taken Lindsay Lohan under her faded wings. Imagine what wisdom Courtney could bestow upon Lindsay. “If you’re incoherent enough, no one will pay attention to you because they have no idea what you’re talking about. A blar blar blar. [throws cats at Lindsay]”

I don’t see how anything could go wrong. Look how sophisticated Courtney Love is now. She wears two pairs of glasses on her head. That means she’s twice as book smart.