Michael Lohan Has a Broken Heart or Whatever

Vagina kicker extraordinaire, Michael Lohan, is undergoing heart surgery to unclog an artery. A rep says it’s to “repair a blockage.” TMZ says Michael had trouble breathing and speaking a couple weeks ago and the doctor said it was his heart.

Wait, seriously? Michael Lohan couldn’t breathe or speak and someone wanted to fix this? Where am I? Bizzaro world? Although this was probably safer for his girlfriend. Apparently Michael had developed his own method of communication. He’d kick his girlfriend’s vagina once for “yes,” twice for “no,” three times for “I don’t know,” and four times “just for fun.”

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