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Cee Lo Green Dieting to Avoid Death

Deaths of fellow friends Heavy D and Patrice O’Neal have finally shocked Cee Lo Green enough to go on a diet. Those deaths were like an episode of Scared Straight for fat people. Cee Lo tells Rolling Stone magazine that he notices similarities between Heavy D and Patrice and has finally decided to lose some weight so he can be around for his son. Black Liberace is probably also tired of those fat jokes unlike Christina Aguilera whose skin has increased in thickness much like her thighs.

However, Cee Lo admits some of his fans may not be too thrilled. “I don’t want to disappoint the ladies. They truly do love me just as I am.” Because the ladies love watching a short fat dude waddle around on stage wearing a glittery muumuu. He practically has to wear galoshes wherever he goes because women just gush when he walks by.

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