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Hulk Hogan Has No Idea Who That Girl Is in His Sex Tape

Since his divorce, Hulk Hogan has seduced so many women with his banana hammock that he doesn’t even remember who he’s slept with much less the name of the girl in that sex tape being shopped around.

Hulk called into TMZ and told them that before he met his current wife Jennifer, he went on a 4-month alcohol binge where he banged a lot of women. “During that time, I don’t even remember people’s names, much less girls.” Hulk says he hasn’t had sex with another women since meeting Jennifer 5 years ago so the tape must be at least that old. He also has no idea who’s selling it but warns “If anyone goes forward with this thing, we’re gonna find ’em and we’re gonna prosecute.”

I think that warning would be more effective if Hulk cut it as a wrestling promo. “Brother, I’m telling you, if you go forward. Oooooo. Hulkamania WILL run wild on you.” *Tears off shirt* *Does a leg drop off top turnbuckle*

In all seriousness, whoever is selling that tape must be desperate. The last thing I’d want to do is sleep with Hulk Hogan. The very last thing I’d want to do is tell the world I slept with Hulk Hogan. I’d rather be caught masturbating in a department store dressing room. In the kids section. Or photographed gently rubbing lotion all over my daughter’s taint. Oh, wait.

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