‘Lindsay Is Innocent,’ So Says 16-Year-Old Girl

Lindsay Lohan allegedly tapped the manager of a Hookah Lounge with her Porsche a little after midnight on Wednesday in a rush to get home before her carriage turned into a stack of failed dreams. The manager, seizing the opportunity, called the cops and says he suing her. Haha, that’s funny. This guy thinks Lindsay has money.

Today, a 16-year-old eyewitness who moonlights as a paparazzo (huh?) came to her defense. Sarah, who was in the alley outside of Sayers Club, saw the whole thing. She says the manager was on the staircase and nowhere near Lindsay’s car. Sarah claims the manager made up the story about Lindsay hitting him and his cars and even overheard him say, “[Lindsay] is definitely going to pay.”

Can we go back to the part where a 16-year-old girl was out in Hollywood at 12am in the morning? Shouldn’t she be in bed for school or is Hollywood just what I imagined it to be. A place where offspring of failed actors and actresses run around like paupers while their disinterested parents cry into a bottle of Jack asking themselves why they didn’t get the part of “Dead Body” on CSI.

Lindsay also posted on Twitter yesterday, “Scrape? This is all a complete lie. I’ve been at community service. Last night, I attempted to wish a friend happy birthday, which I didn’t even get to do because I was freaked out by all of the paparazzi. These false accusations are absurd.” What does community service have to do with it? She also implies she was there and was freaked out by all the paparazzi. Lindsay should go back to denial school because this was terrible.