State of Emergency Almost Declared in Oslo Because of Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber announced that he was going to perform 4 new songs outside Oslo’s opera house as part of his Around the World tv special. That was a terrible idea because 80% of the world’s blondes ran to Oslo from all over Europe for the event causing the mayor to almost declare a state of emergency due to swelling crowds.

Justin was eventually helicoptered in (and I don’t mean by Usher’s penis) where he performed and was later whisked away on a police cigarette boat.

Oslo’s Mayor Fabian Stang has launched an investigation into the concert where 49 teens were injured and 14 taken to emergency care. Stang said, “I have already called on the Emergency Planning Agency to examine the entire event from the planning stage to its implementation. We have to find out what went wrong and why it happened.”

According to Stang, it got so bad that he had to hide behind a tree to avoid getting trampled. Which just goes to show how totally gay he is. If thousands of Norwegian blondes were running towards me, the last thing I’d do is cower behind a tree. I mean, isn’t that what every Axe commercial promised me would happen if I used their products?