The United States needed a new weapon to use for the war on terror. Something that would strike fear in our enemy’s hearts. Enter a pregnant Snooki who unwittingly became America’s greatest asset. You’re probably wondering how this orange pickled-breath dwarf could help us. Two words. Birthing video. You may now commence your shrieks of terror.
The mommy-to-be and Jersey Shore star says she and fiancé Jionni LaValle will film their son Lorenzo’s arrival, but it will not be for public viewing.
“Jionni doesn’t want that,” Snookers tells me. “He wants it to be private and I totally respect him for that. But I’m going to record it for myself because I want to remember that moment. And I want to show Lorenzo when he’s like 16 in front of all his friends and embarrass him.”
This may be going a little too far. You want to embarrass your kid? Fine. Show his friends naked pictures of him from when he was a kid. You want your son to be mercilessly pummeled by his friends while tears stream down their faces? Show them your birthing video.