Jessica Simpson Lost 35 Pounds

In news that will shock everyone, a source tells Life & Style that Jessica Simpson has lost 35 pounds of the 60 she gained during pregnancy and “she can’t wait to reveal the results.”

“She’s doing great!” her best friend CaCee Cobb told Life & Style. “Are you kidding? She’s motivating all of us. We have our weekly Weight Watchers meetings, and it’s so much fun. We all keep one another on track.”

This would be fantastic if I even remembered what Jessica Simpson looked like 35 pounds ago. Right now she’s just an amorphous blob to me. One that stops at every item in a buffet line to yell, “Get in muh belly.”