Jessica Biel Mutilated Barbie Dolls as a Kid

These days when you see a kid mutilating Barbie Dolls, you send them to a shrink. That’s because we now live in a society where anything that deviates from “accepted” behavior is viewed as a┬áprecursor┬áto antisocial personality disorder and on one wants their kid to be the next person to shoot up a school or movie theater. Point being, a lot of parents are stupid.

Which leads me to this story about Jessica Biel mutilating Barbie Dolls as a kid and sticking them on Christmas trees. This was back when people weren’t so damn overprotective. A better time.

“They didn’t really stick around very long,” the 30-year-old explained. “I ended up mutilating them by pulling their heads off, cutting off all their hair, dyeing them with markers and sticking them on the Christmas tree lights. They’d light up like these demonic heads. My parents were very open!”

“Back then I don’t think people reported that kind of stuff. Now I would definitely be in trouble,” Justin Timberlake’s wife of one month said. “I still have the heads. They still go on [my Christmas tree] every year at home.” Us Magazine

I’d much rather see severed Barbie Doll heads on a Christmas tree than those stupid angels. Always watching, waiting for me to do something wrong. Ahh! Stop judging me!

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