Kate Middleton Might Be Pregnant. No, Really. Maybe

There’s constant rumors that Kate Middleton is pregnant. This time the rumors might be real, however. Maybe. Well, no one has announced anything yet and there’s no visible bump but, uh, E! has a few reasons why this may not be a drill.

1. “There’s something, shall we say, different about Kate Middleton.” It takes about four sentences for E! to say Kate looks fatter. C’mon, just say it. It’ll make you feel better.

2. “Her friend says it’s going to happen.” Her friend being Jessica Hay who went to school with Kate but hasn’t spoken to her in years. But we should take her word for it anyway because she told Life & Style and Australia’s New Idea, “They’re planning to make an announcement in December. I have this on the highest authority, and it’s not to be taken lightly. It’s going to be wonderful, happy news when it’s announced.” Well, if we can’t trust a casual acquaintance who barely has any contact with the Duchess, who can we trust?!

3. “Will and Kate want kids.” Biology! Not many women can drown out that clock in their uterus. The ticking is like the damnable ticking from the crocodile  in Hook.

So there you go. Fairly middling evidence as to why the Kate Middleton pregnancy rumors might be true this time. Meanwhile, look at you. Not married to a prince nor do you have anyone speculating about your possible pregnancy. Your mother would be so disappointed.