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Guys Dump Taylor Swift Because She Won’t Put Out

You’re probably wondering why no guy will ever stay with Taylor Swift. Wait, you’re not? Oh, uh, well, I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s because she’s become so worried about what everyone thinks of her that she’s turned “asexual.” Says a friend close to Swift, “Taylor is so concerned that the public will think she’s a wh*re because she dates around, that she doesn’t put out. What she doesn’t get is that the guys keep dumping her because she’s being a prude.” You see, it’s a vicious sexless circle.

Not that Taylor is completely chaste in her relationships. Rather, “Taylor didn’t want to put out as often as he would’ve liked. Harry is a young boy, with ladies throwing themselves at him and has had a string of relationships with older women. It’s no secret he’s sexually active and is enjoying his fame at the moment. But Taylor just wasn’t up for it as much as he is. They were sexually incompatible.”

Taylor feels a “clean and wholesome reputation is super important.” But it’s not just that. There’s also the fact that Taylor Swift is a 60-year-old Southern girl trapped in a 20-year-old’s body. “Harry wants to go out to fancy bars and clubs and enjoy being young – but Taylor’s more of a homebody and all she would talk about was antiques!”

In Taylor’s defense… No, there’s nothing I can say that would be in her defense. Antiques are boring. So is being a prude. She’s like a Dear Abby column come to life.

  • gem2477

    Nah. The song is so immature and outright stupid that Kanye is probably somewhere laughing his ass off.

    • Thao Truong

      dont be jealous…that song basically says it all. its genius…how else is it breaking record…if it sucked then everyone would say so….revenge comes in everyway and she got hers by being top of the list…lets see all her haters get there like taylor did. NOTTTT

      • gem2477

        She could have released a track of her farting and it’d be #1. With her, that’s not a good demonstration of if it being a good song.

      • BigJimSlade

        It’s genius? It’s not even music.
        This generic crap wouldn’t have managed to be a B-side on a Madonna single 20 years ago.

  • AussieDan

    Remember when Taylor wrote poppy country songs…?

  • Shawn Cicero

    wow people are nutty stalkers

  • Mithrull

    Pretend to like her fans? Bwhahahahahahaha you are fucking pathetic.

  • Moise

    who the hell are you guys? no names, just jealous of her fame and success. But who can blame you? You do this for green.

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