Megan Fox Is an Aztec Sacrifice

Megan Fox covers the February 2013 issue of Esquire and even sits down bemoaning celebrity and her sexy image while posing on the cover in her bra and panties.

The interview starts off with a discussion of human sacrifice. Specifically, the Aztec ritual practiced 500 years ago during the feast of Toxactl when the Aztecs picked a perfect youth, gave him everything and then cut out his heart and offered it to the sun. Megan Fox seems to identify with this saying quietly, “It’s so similar. It totally is.” Thus begins the 30 minutes of eye rolling.

While Megan does seem like a cool, down to earth person — her house is adorned with Lord of the Rings and Star Wars memorabilia including a life-sized R2-D2 — she says the dumbest stuff.

“I don’t think people understand,” she says. “They all think we should shut the f**k up and stop complaining because you live in a big house or you drive a Bentley. So your life must be so great. What people don’t realize is that fame, whatever your worst experience in high school, when you were being bullied by those ten kids in high school, fame is that, but on a global scale, where you’re being bullied by millions of people constantly.”

Woe is Megan Fox. I’m sure her housekeeper cries her a river every time Megan tells her how hard being a celebrity is and I’m sure her housekeeper takes her just-manicured hands into her chemically abrased ones and says, “It gets better.”

Fox then talks about removing her tattoos. Right now, she’s working on her Marilyn Monroe one which she says she felt “willed to be gone.” She explains, “They told me it was going to take six sessions and it’s nearly gone in one.” She also may be getting rid of a quote on her rib cage and another one from Nietzsche. Why? Because she thinks they’re stupid now. “I started reading about her and realized that her life was incredibly difficult. It’s like when you visualize something for your future. I didn’t want to visualize something so negative.” Adding, “She wasn’t powerful at the time. She was sort of like Lindsay. She was an actress who wasn’t reliable, who almost wasn’t insurable…. She had all the potential in the world, and it was squandered,” she says, curled defensively on the sofa. “I’m not interested in following in those footsteps.”

Her agent also has to beg her to read scripts and do magazine shoots because Fox doesn’t want to be famous anymore. What she would rather be is an archaeologist. I feel like there’s stuff literally buried there and buried where the Maya were,” she says. Ancient aliens who gave rise to ancient civilizations on earth. “I would like to uncover the secrets of the universe. In my fantasy.”

But here’s the thing. She’s not going to take the time to reinvent herself and become one. Why? Because she doesn’t really want to be an archaeologist. The thought is just an escape for her.

While we’re on the subject of alien races, Megan says she likes believing. Like in leprechauns.

“I like believing. I believe in all of these Irish myths, like leprechauns. Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people’s imaginations….

“We should all believe in leprechauns. I’m a believer….

That’s not so crazy. I believe in leprechauns too. “Um, that wasn’t a leprechaun. That was just a little person handing out condoms from a green hat. You were really drunk.” Oh, no wonder I couldn’t pay for my drinks with all that gold I grabbed.