Puffy Vaginas Banned From the Grammys

In what will be now known as the day the Grammy Awards lost half their viewership, Deadline posted an email sent by CBS’ Standards & Practices department effectively banning puffy vaginas. I don’t need to tell you how un-American this is. America and especially the Hollywood music industry was founded on puffy vaginas. For God’s sake, their Second Amendment is the right to bear puffy vaginas. It’s in the handbook that was passed out on your first day.

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

Reading this leads me to believe there’s a guy whose sole job is to spot puffy vaginas, sideboob, underboob and “female breast nipples.” I’m 90% sure his job is done off-site so no one sees his erection. I’m also 90% sure if he ever decides to switch jobs, he can’t put this on his resume. “Top female breast nipples and puffy vagina watcher,” does not sound as prestigious as you’d think.

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