Charlie Sheen Willing to Mentor Lindsay Lohan

Charlie Sheen went crazy two years ago shouting things at people like “winning!” and “tiger’s blood” and generally making everyone uneasy with his manic episodes so, naturally, he thinks he’d be a great mentor for Lindsay Lohan. Someone needs to teach her to go in a downward spiral the right way.

Sheen told TMZ, “I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey. If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

Imagine Sheen trying to give Lindsay life advice one day and yelling at her about where all his coke went the next because that’s pretty much how it’s going to be. This is like throwing a grenade into a fireworks factory. I’ve seen better ideas come out of Nazi Germany.