Gwyneth Paltrow Is a Hypochondriac

As people get older, especially the rich, they start worrying about their mortality. This is why Gwyneth Paltrow started making her kids go on the most depressing of diets depriving them of gluten, dairy and chicken eggs. That and the fact Gwyneth thought she almost had a stroke.

‘One sunny afternoon in London, in the spring of 2011, I thought – without sounding overly dramatic – that I was going to die.’

‘I had just served lunch in the garden at home… I had a vague feeling that I was going to faint, and I wasn’t forming thoughts correctly… I got a searing pain in my head, I couldn’t speak, and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was having a stroke.’ Daily Mail

Gwyn says this is because she was severely anemic and vitamin D deficient but it sounds more like she was just trying to form a coherent thought. Logic really hurts her brain. Regardless, she cut out coffee, eggs, sugar, shellfish, potatoes, wheat and meat from her diet. Now she just chews on plants from her garden.

Since Gwyneth is one of those moms, she made everyone in her family do allergy testing. Now Chris Martin and her two kids are intolerant of gluten, dairy and chicken’s eggs. Which is total bs. Gluten allergies are the new fad. The only people with real gluten allergies are the ones that die immediately after eating it. But whatever. Keep drinking your juice made of kale, lemon juice, water, vitamins and natural sweetener agave. I’m sure it’s delicious in the way shredded cardboard is delicious.