‘Stitches:’ Everybody’s Happy

“A horror comedy about a sleazy party clown who accidentally dies at a little boy’s birthday bash then comes back six years later to seek revenge on the same group of kids” is the plot of Stitches and also the greatest movie description of all time. I think every movie should be this. It is unequivocally awesome.

Stitches is directed by Conor McMahon and stars British comedian, Ross Noble, and a whole lot of fake blood. It’s low budget brilliant gore, a skilled and hilarious homage to those cheesy 80’s horror flicks in which death scenes warrant cackles and applause as opposed to crippling terror. And I cackled and applauded my way through the whole thing. Complete with corny slasher catch phrase (“Everybody happy?”), exploding heads, torn off limbs, blood spraying everywhere and always, and a fantastically choreographed umbrella death scene, Stitches does not disappoint.

It does exactly what it sets out to do and manages to be creative and exciting despite the fact that I sat down to watch it prepared to experience an off-the-wall, zany gorefest. Sure, it follows a formula, but it shakes it up and maintains originality through excellently tasteless death scenes (the aforementioned umbrella, balloon animal intestines, can opener to the skull, etc.) and surprisingly subtle and convincing performances from Noble and the young actors (Tommy Knight, Gemma- Leah Devereux, Shane Murray Corcoran).

The jokes and scares and special effects alike are dirt cheap in the most satisfying way possible. There are one or two moments in the movie that felt slow, because people were talking too much and no hilariously graphic mutilation was happening on screen. But other than that, Stitches absolutely delivered the (so bad it’s) goods.

Grade: A-

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