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How Miley Cyrus Topped Maxim’s Hot 100

Does anyone pay attention to Maxim’s Top 100 anymore? That was a rhetorical question by the way because the answer is no. And they still won’t if Maxim keeps putting Miley Cyrus at the top of the list like they did for 2013. The Top 100 list is usually a decent countdown from good to better but this year it’s like opening a spectacularly wrapped present to find a signed picture of Chet Haze inside. The novelty is there but is it something you really want?

It’s also telling when Maxim has to explain why they put Miley as number one. You shouldn’t ever have to explain why someone is your hottest pick. They told Fox their reasoning is that this is what the fans wanted.

“We went for Miley for a variety of reasons. First and foremost the Hot 100 over the last few years, actually specifically the last two years, we’ve actually had voting online and so we’ve put a bunch of women we think would be contenders on Maxim.com and we just have our readers go online and vote,” executive editor Patrick Carone said. “Miley just annihilated.”

Carone went on to explain, “The voting for her was absolutely tremendous, and then it doesn’t hurt she’s extremely cute. She’s young and she has her whole career ahead of her and I think really the thing with Miley that we love so much is she’s a global, international force.” He said, “Like she’s the kind of person who cuts her hair and it’s literally news in Japan and India. Everyone is fascinated by her love life. We’ve grown up with her. We’ve seen her turn from kind of a young girl into this beautiful woman and we really can’t get ‘Party in the U.S.A’ out of our heads.”

Oh, I’m sorry. In my day, these top 100 lists were all about objectifying woman. I didn’t realize I had to read Maxim with my pinky up now.

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gie
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gie

THANK GOD MILEY CYRUS IS MAXIM #1, SO MUCH SO AT WE’RE NOT ONLY TALKING ABOUT THOSE HOTBODIES,THERE’S NOT MUCH ELSE. MILEY CYRUS DESERVED THE TITLE AS 2013 MAXIM # 1,BECAUSE AT WE’RE TALKING REAL TALENTED PERFORMER,SONG WRITTER AND CAPABLE TO AMAZED US AS A GREAT FERFORMER, IT SHOWS INTELLECT AT LEAST NOT JUST HOT BODIES BY WHICH, SHE HAS ON THAT DEPARTMENT TOO,INSPITE SHE’S PRACTICALLY SINGLE AND YOUNG,NOT MENTION CAN ANNIHILATE 99 BEAUTIES OTHERS IN FAIR VOTING. THAT’S INDEED WORLD POWER THAT’S THIS YOUNG WOMAN GOT AND SO FEARLESSLY, DARINGLY BEAUTIFUL AS WELL. DEMOCRACY SHOWING.

Nate
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Nate

^ Wow, okay; that’s a LOT of uppercase.

Incidentally, uh, bullshit. Nothing’s hot about “high as fvck” and rapidly declining Miley Lohan. She might have been cute back in the day, but now she looks like she would smell like old, brittle, cracked leather. Wait … like Indiana Jones’ jacket. Yes. TOTALLY like Indiana Jones’ jacket.

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