ESC

Olivia Munn in a Bikini for Esquire

Here’s everybody’s favorite “hey, look at me, I’m a geek” girl in the June/July issue of Esquire wearing a bikini. Either I’m growing soft or this interview was one of Esquire’s better ones. This is Esquire I’m reading, right?

I grew up in a small farming town outside of Abadiania, in Brazil. Wait, no, she didn’t. She was actually born in Oklahoma and raised on a military base in Japan, and she moved around a lot. But sometimes you let the art flow over you, so I’m not about to interrupt. She goes on to say that she was born in a portal to Narnia, and her education was completely self-taught, and that her brother, who is Barack Obama, likes to draw and is really big into Call of Duty, so he’s playing that a lot.

Nevermind. Spoke too soon.

All of a sudden, an hour has passed, or maybe just an instant. My head’s grown heavy and my sight’s grown dim, and I’m starting to feel as if I’m being led around, her index finger under my chin and my feet off the ground. Look at me, I’m floating! She makes constant eye contact, and her eyes light up when she’s passionate about a topic, like Narnia and her career path and the choices she’s made along the way and how to this day, the thing in her life that gives her the greatest anxiety is the sound of clanging silverware on those plastic trays in a school cafeteria. All the kids were cliqued up. I would end up eating with the old librarians. When she furrows her brow, her freckles become a beautiful constellation, with her golden eyes as two suns. I faintly hear angels singing. They haven’t stolen her soul after all!

What. The. Hell. Calm the f*ck down, Shakespeare.

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westie187
westie187
8 years ago

The Macy’s pop-ups are getting a little old.

The Blemish
8 years ago
Reply to  westie187

Should be limited to 2x a day.

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