Everybody Hates ‘The Canyons’ Except for Variety

Reviews for Lindsay Lohan and James Deen’s The Canyons are in following its New York premiere on Monday and, surprise, they aren’t good. Except for the review from Variety who seemed to be trying to score brownie points with Lindsay Lohan. Future interview perhaps? Naaahhh. Anyway, here’s a few snippets courtesy of StarPulse.

Hollywood Reporter: …”lame, one-dimensional and ultimately dreary look at peripheral Hollywood types not worth anyone’s time either onscreen or in real life” which is full of “melodramatic cliches” and characters with a “lack of distinct personalities”.

The New Yorker:  “Lohan is a real actress, but in this movie she’s puffy and overwrought and unfocused, and she weeps a lot.. You’re not sure whether she’s crying in character, or lamenting her participation in a low-budget movie, or grieving over her own troubles.”

Indiewire: “Lohan is as bland and unfocused as the material,” adding, “Her robotic delivery freezes the possibilities of bona fide tension.”

New York Post: I’ve seen high school hygiene films that are steamier than this snoozer, notwithstanding the underwhelming “mainstream” debut of popular porn star James Deen, who shouldn’t give up his day job.

Variety:  “Lohan… gives one of those performances, like Marlon Brando’s in Last Tango in Paris, that comes across as some uncanny conflagration of drama and autobiography. Lohan may not go as deep or as far as Brando, but… there’s a little-girl-lost quality to the onetime Disney teen princess that’s very affecting.”

Lindsay, beaming with joy that Variety gave her a line to regurgitate to the press about her performance, tweeted, “Wow… humbled and feeling so much gratitude.”

This is like being told you’re ugly every day until one day someone calls you “unconventionally attractive.” It’s a backhanded compliment, but you’ll take it.

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10 years ago

Any good director would just get her wasted and have her “act naturally.”