Kris Jenner Pretended She’d Have Kanye and Kim’s Baby on Her Show

Kris Jenner was hard up for viewers for her Fox talk show this morning so she decided to post a picture of her holding a baby on her Facebook page with the caption, “You never know who will stop by our show today!”

The implication was this would be the first reveal of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s baby. A complete lie because Kanye and Kim don’t want to exploit their baby (…yet).

The baby was actually owned by a hair and makeup person on set.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theories surrounding the show were already developing. None of which seemed far fetched. The gist is the Kardashians were leaking reports about unresolved family issues in order for them to all come to a head on Kris Jenner’s talk show on Monday.

As for the show itself, the live audience were gifted day-glo underwear and a box of Twinkies. The relation between those gifts and her audience is very apropos.

Before the show back to the non-baby moment at the end, Jenner welcomed guests that included her “good friend” chef Rocco DiSpirito.

Kris and Cameron put on aprons while DiSpirito whipped up an Italian dish that they all enjoyed over a glass of wine. As they sipped, Jenner established that she and DiSpirito are both Leos.

As they were finishing, the three singers from the hunky young group Il Volo descended the stairs singing a rendition of “Surrender” that probably lasted a couple of measures too long.

Jenner’s final guest was an underwear stylist who warned that underwear can “make or break” a wardrobe.

She brought out several size-two models who, in the immortal words of Dolly Parton, could have stopped traffic in a gunny sack. All but one of the models were fully clothed, while the underwear was displayed on plastic busts.

The final model showed off the glow-in-the-dark underwear, which was about as close as Jenner came on the first day to fulfilling her pre-show promise that the show will have an extensive sexual component.

Well, at least Kris Jenner knows how to make me watch at least 2 minutes of her show. You win this round, Kris.

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