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Russell Brand Gave a Man a Handjob in a Bar Bathroom

Russell Brand gave a handjob to a complete stranger in the bathroom of a London bar. Russell says it was a stunt for a British documentary series called RE:Brand, a program that explores social taboos. Um, like giving a handjob to a stranger in a bathroom.

Russell explained, “I w**ked off a man in a toilet. I thought, ‘I think of myself as heterosexual but perhaps that’s ‘cause of the environment that I grew up in where homosexuality may have been difficult for me to express.’” That’s not exactly how sexuality works but he goes on to clarify that he had a heroin addiction at the time so that explains a lot.

Brand went on to describe the experience. He says he went around Soho to gay bars and gay gyms trying to pick up guys with a film crew. He ended up at one pub and says, “Anyone want me to wank them off?”

“And this bloke goes, ‘Yep’. Like as if I was saying: ‘Does anyone want a packet of crisps [potato chips] from the bar…?’

“So we goes to the lavvy – me, him, the director – and…he gets his willy out. And it was not nice. The phallus is…I like mine and you see some others in paintings that look all right but his looked like a rag.”

“I took it betwixt my fingers thusly. It were [sic] like massaging a naked mole rat and it wouldn’t go hard!

“And we’re…in the toilet with the director standing there filming me and he goes, ‘I think…it would be easier if I was able to touch yours’.

“And I [thought] ‘F**king hell mate, do us a favor!’ And the director goes: ‘Go on Russell it would be funny…’

“So I take down my trousers and pants…and then the bloke sort of mauled at my genitals while I wanked him off.”

“I’m such a sex narcissist that, even though I’m not gay, I still wanted to be good at giving him a wank…”

“After about 27 and 11 minutes, he spat a string of grey jizm.”

“My hand feels all funny just remembering…He was a right weirdo.”

Yea, that guy was such a weirdo. Took him 27 minutes to finish? Geez, guy. Russell Brand wasn’t filming a trilogy.

Thanks to the kind commenter, here’s the video.

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