In an article in The New Yorker, Michael Cera describes his weirdest text message exchange by simply copy-pasting the 9 month conversation he had with a man, Jeremy, who accidentally texted him.
It started out innocently enough with a wrong number text that Michael Cera responded to where he eventually revealed he was THE Michael Cera.
MICHAEL 12/6 1:30 PM
you should come to town one night and I’ll take you to a party at my buddy Michael Cera’s house
MICHAEL 12/6 1:43 PM
the actor haha
UNKNOWN NUMBER 12/7 4:53 PM
you know him? yahh man thad be sick hes a cool
MICHAEL 12/7 4:59 PM
really? you don’t think his range is limited?
UNKNOWN NUMBER 12/7 5:04 PM
lol nah whadever may be true
MICHAEL 12/7 5:14 PM
hahahahahahha
MICHAEL 12/7 5:19 PM
anyway i was just kidding before that’s actually me
MICHAEL 12/7 5:25 PM
hahaha
UNKNOWN NUMBER 12/7 5:37 PM
huh? yur michael cera??
MICHAEL 12/7 5:38 PM
hahahahahahaah
UNKNOWN NUMBER 12/7 5:39 PM
tha actor?
MICHAEL 12/7 5:41 PM
yes except I spell it with capital letters at the beginning of my first and last names, kind of like a display of common respect kind of thing
MICHAEL 12/7 11:48 PM
but yeah I’m that Michael Cera. . .
MICHAEL 12/7 11:54 PM
hahaha
There were numerous failed attempts at meeting up. One time, Cera thought they were going to finally hang out and he made a bunch of soup but it never happened and he dumped the soup in the toilet. :(
MICHAEL 12/19 5:26 PM
what’s address? I’ll make a lotta soup and bringit! yyeeeeeah!
MICHAEL 12/19 8:47 PM
cool so I guess prolly I’ll just flush all this soup down the toilet. . .?
JEREMY 12/19 8:58 PM
hsit sorry hada pick up my sister and i was tired
MICHAEL 12/19 8:59 PM
yeah well f**k you too
JEREMY 12/19 10:42 PM
haha whoa chill
MICHAEL 12/20 3:30 AM
I don’t mean to be so pissed off but I made a lot of soup and nobody got to eat it
MICHAEL 12/20 3:31 AM
cause i dumped it into toilet when i got mad
MICHAEL 12/20 3:33 AM
so I thought that was kind of fucked i hate wastefullness and yeah its all over the floor of my bathroom now little bit
MICHAEL 12/20 3:40 AM
but thats nodyboys fault but mine i guess sorry I lost my cool I’m just a person too believe it or not. yeah so what are you up to?
JEREMY 12/20 11:28 AM
chillin dealin with people actin crazy
MICHAEL 12/20 11:29 AM
what people??? Me???
JEREMY 12/20 12:53 PM
nah
Eventually it happened. They met. Jeremy, who now had a girlfriend, asked Cera to come to a party to meet her. She was a big fan of his. Cera came and he ended up making out with Jeremy’s girlfriend. At least that’s what I assume happened. There was a big chunk of time missing from the piece.
JEREMY 6/7 6:12 PM
up to anything tonight?
MICHAEL 6/7 6:12 PM
not really how about you???????
JEREMY 6/7 6:20 PM
yah well i been hangin out wit this girl caitlin and she really likes yur movies and wants to meet you really bad
JEREMY 6/7 6:21 PM
we’re goin to go to a party at my friend andres house tonight you shd come
On the long drive up to Delano, it hit me that I was about to meet Jeremy, face to face. I began to laugh about it, first softly, then in wild, uncontrollable convulsions as the yellow lines on the pavement flickered past.
A group of minglers on the front lawn welcomed me to the party with astonished faces. I munificently doled out smiles and handshakes while maintaining a steady course for the front door. Inside, Jeremy sat on a couch in the living room, watching the others dance.
MICHAEL 6/7 11:28 PM
sorry things got crazy, im going back to la
MICHAEL 6/7 11:39 PM
that girls nuts i think
MICHAEL 6/7 11:45 PM
hope you’re not still pissed off
After that, the friendship was over.
MICHAEL 7/17 5:14 PM
hey man what’s up?
MICHAEL 7/17 5:18 PM
are we ok? Caitlin’s lying. . .
MICHAEL 7/18 8:43 AM
jeremy can we talk on phone quick?
MICHAEL 7/18 8:45 AM
i can explain things easier on phone, pick up yeah?
JEREMY 7/18 10:41 AM
if you keep calling me i will nail you
Jeremy finally changed his number and they stopped speaking.
God, if I was Jeremy, I’d have changed my number too. I wouldn’t be able to live down the fact that Michael Cera made out with my girlfriend. I’d literally die of embarrassment. You’d see me go into the fetal position, shrivel up and just die. It’d look like a snail who got salt poured on it. I’d rather see my girlfriend making out with someone’s butthole than Michael Cera.
Just to be clear, you understand this is fiction, right?
Shhh
I don’t think they did. Huh.
What a waste of all that soup – I bet it was delicious. I bet it was something exotic like minestrone.