Someone Stole Vintage Nicolas Cage Sex Pics

39-year-old handyman, Ricardo Orozco, has been charged with stealing four computers and a box of sex pics from the home of Nicolas Cage’s ex-girlfriend Christina Fulton’s house. The pictures show Fulton, who’s the mother of Cage’s 22-year-old son, in “private moments” (sex sex sex) with Nicolas Cage. Presumably back when he was younger and less crazy (the two started dating in 1988).

Orozco has pled not guilty and is being held on $1M bail which seems a tad excessive until you read the part about the photos having yet to be recovered. Police are currently looking for them.

There’s really only one of two reactions for this news.

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