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The Wachowski Brothers, Er, Siblings Have a New Movie, ‘Jupiter Acending’

The Wachowskis are back with a sci-fi film not adapted from a book. It’s called Jupiter Ascending and stars Mila Kunis and an eyeliner wearing, goatee sporting, elf-eared Channing Tatum. Sean Bean is also in it but there’s really no need to talk about him because we all know he’s going to die a horrible death.

According to Tatum, the reason he looks like that is because he plays a splice, a hybrid wolf and human. Yea, I don’t know either. The teaser trailer was just released and it looks, um, sci-fiy.

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in “Jupiter Ascending,” an original science-fiction epic adventure from filmmakers Lana and Andy Wachowski. Jupiter Jones (Kunis) was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people’s houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along—her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

A housekeeper turned princess. Sort of like Cinderella. In spaaaaace!

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Xibalba
Xibalba
6 years ago

Victor, was there really any need to make a cheap joke at the expense of Lana Wachowski? Grow up for God’s sake.

Ablabix
Ablabix
6 years ago

Seriously? Nice title asshole. Never heard of this garbage site and will not be returning. Tasteless joke by what I can only assume is an immature and ignorant person.

Martok
Martok
6 years ago

Is that title fucking necessary?

Kyle Richards Is A Whore
Kyle Richards Is A Whore
6 years ago

I, Kyle Richards love to work for tips– of penises!

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