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Justin Bieber May Not Have Been Drunk but He Did Cry A Lot

Up top is a photo of Justin Bieber and his dad outside on their patio celebrating his release from holding. The shot was taken by CBS Miami’s ghetto bird that’s been recommissioned to track Bieber’s whereabouts in the city 24/7.

In other more depressing news, holes are starting to form in Bieber’s DUI case. Cops at the scene said Bieber reeked of alcohol and that he blew a .04. TMZ has confirmed that he actually blew a .014 which could mean they could just charge him with a wet and reckless but could also mean their credibility is going to be called into question. Police did also say he failed a field sobriety test but those things are dumb and are designed to make the person fail.

Ending on an uplifting note, sources say Justin “cried his eyes out” after the judge set bond at $2,500. If I was in Miami right now, I’d point to Justin and go, “Ha. Ha,” and then I’d frown and rub my eyes pretending to cry.

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