ESC

The Sochi Olympics Haven’t Even Started and It’s Already Become a Joke

The Sochi Olympics premieres tonight at 8 on NBC but instead of marveling at all the athletes, people are marveling at the sh*tstorm that’s proceeding it. Apart from Russia’s whole violence against the LGBT community because of anti-gay laws, there’s also the fact that they’ve banned Chobani yogurt from entering the country, are spying on people in hotel rooms and now systematically exterminating stray dogs.

First, about the Chobani yogurt. The NYT reports that Greek yogurt meant for American athletes competing at the Winter Games are sitting in limbo at Newark Liberty International Airport because they don’t have the proper documentation.

The Russian government is apparently blocking a shipment of 5,000 containers of Chobani yogurt — now sitting in limbo in cold storage near Newark Liberty International Airport — that had been bound for the United States Olympic team.

The blockade has prompted protests from yogurt-promoting politicians in New York and in Washington, who express outrage that American athletes could be deprived of a protein-rich food that had been part of their training regimen.

The Russian government says the American-made yogurt cannot enter Russia because the Americans have not submitted the proper paperwork. The United States says the certification required by the Russians would be impossible to attain.

“I’d like to think that yogurt could have diplomatic immunity,” said Peter McGuinness, the chief marketing and brand officer for Chobani.

The great yogurt war between America and Russia is the least of everyone’s concerns. There’s also a small matter of privacy violations.  A few weeks back, this picture of a bathroom meant for Olympic use showed up. Two toilets side-by-side with no partition. Obviously, it drew a lot of criticism because who wants to take a dump next to a stranger?

Sochi Olympics Twin Toilets

Since then, Russia has been defending itself against complaints about their Olympic housing situation (some cite rooms without doorknobs, locks or heat, broken toilets, stray dogs and early-morning fire alarms) and arguing that their facilities are anything but substandard.

Dmitry Kozak, the deputy prime minister responsible for the Olympic preparations, reflected the view held among many Russian officials that some Western visitors are deliberately trying to sabotage Sochi’s big debut out of bias against Russia. “We have surveillance video from the hotels that shows people turn on the shower, direct the nozzle at the wall and then leave the room for the whole day,” he said. An aide then pulled a reporter away before Mr. Kozak could be questioned further on surveillance in hotel rooms.

The reporter was conveniently taken away before asking if they had hidden cameras in hotel rooms. He probably had an important meeting. With a firing squad.

If spying on people weren’t enough, there’s now reports that the Russian government have contracted exterminators to eradicate thousands of stray dogs in Sochi, many of which have been abandoned by owners who were forced to move out of their homes to make way for Olympic construction. How are they doing this? By laying out tainted meat and riding around town shooting dogs with poisoned darts.

I can imagine what press conferences with these officials will be like. Every time a reporter asks them about the yogurt, bathrooms and stray dogs, an aide will pull them away for “an urgent issue” or some dude will just walk by and shoot them with a poisoned dart.

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you sir, are an ignorant fool

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