The Bachelor Seems Like a Swell Guy

I’ve never seen an episode of The Bachelor but I did know it was some dude named Juan Pablo this season. Anyway, the finale was yesterday and all this stuff started popping up in my newsfeed about it so I figured I watch a clip. The only I question I have is, is that accent real? I mean, I hear people use it all the time as the stereotypical Mexican accent in movies but in real life? People like that exist?

Anyway, he didn’t propose to anybody last night. He actually told Nikki Ferrell he had the ring in his pocket but wasn’t going to use it. He gave her a rose instead.

 “I’m not 100 percent sure that I want to propose to you, but at the same time, I’m 100 percent sure that I don’t want to let you go. I like you a lot. So, Nikki, will you accept my final rose?”

This guy is smooth. Looks like all the ladies loved him too. Especially runner-up Clare Crawley who left their helicopter ride absolutely beaming. Oh, did I say beaming? I meant the complete opposite of that. At the end of their ride, Pablo whispered sweet nothings into her ear. “He said, ‘I love f—ing you but I don’t know you.'”

You’re a fantastic lay, but I don’t want to take you home. It’s a line every woman wants to hear. It sets their hearts aflutter. This is the person I assume Justin Bieber will grow up to be. Except, tinier and even more douchebaggy.

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