Internet Recoils in Horror at Most WTF Post on Reddit

While Reddit may have it’s share of WTF stories (Jolly Rancher, two broken arms, etc), this one may have taken the cake. At least for this month. The submission from Dirtypeckermoldballs started not so innocently enough. The post was titled, “Black chunks on my penis after masturbating made me decide to retire my fleshlight of 5 years and dissect it. Goodnight sweet prince,” and showed a dissected Fleshlight with a startling abundance of black mold inside. You can see the photo here.

If that wasn’t WTF enough, Dirtypeckermoldballs then started explaining how this came to be. Answering why he didn’t simply wash it, he said he kind of did. “Sometimes I’d take the cap off the end and stand over the toilet and pee through it. I thought that washed most of the cum out but I guess I was wrong. I also stored it in an old shoebox under my bed and this perhaps didnt provide enough ventilation to keep it from becoming moldy. Cheers.”

When he was jokingly asked if he came in the box as well, he replied, “No. But there is a damp spot in the box under where the fleshlight was so its probably an amalgamation of cum, water, lube, spit, hair conditioner, and urine.”

So if you haven’t figured it out by now, anything that came out of this guy’s mouth was gold. Besides describing how he’d use shampoo conditioner as lube, he went on the share even more disturbing details about his life. For example, in high school, he’d piss in bottles and put them under his desk.

Then came explicit details about his masturbatory habits.

It needed to go anyway. The pussy lips on the fleshlight were a little disfigured from when I dabbled in pyro fetish. I coated the entry to the fleshlight with lighter fluid and germx and set it on fire and fucked it. First of all, lighter fluid deteriorates the material and so do flames. The next problem I ran into was my thrusts forcing the globs of flaming germx to fly off of the fleshlight and nearly set my rug on fire. The last, and arguably most important problem with this is that you will burn your dick. If your thrusts don’t put out the blaze in the first few pumps, you’ll be left with a peeling dick for a week. Would not recommend.

What? How? Why?

I really don’t know why I was even intrigued by it. I thought it would be fun to f**k a pussy that was on fire, but wouldn’t want to risk hurting another person. I liked the idea of pulling out and cumming on the flames to put them out. The heat was too much so I thought maybe a condom would protect me for a few more seconds. It ended up burning right through the condom and giving me a nasty little burn on my shaft. After I burned myself, I stopped trying to f**k it while it was on fire but instead coated it in germx and had a lighter closeby. When I got close to climax I lit it up and shot my load but I was in too much pain for an impressive release. Also, I had to pour water on it and put ointment on my burns. It was one of those ideas that sounded a lot better in my head than in reality.

Well, okay. But that’s as weird as this is going to get right? Nope.

I did a few other weird things. You know those glowsticks that are really long that you can make into a loop and wear around your neck? I had a bunch of those a couple years back and i’d lubricate them and put them in my urethra. Then when I got good and hard, I’d bend my penis to activate the glowstick. It was really satisfying to hear the crack of the glowstick coming from my cock. It made me feel like I was breaking my dick in half but without actually harming myself. I stopped doing this after two events put a damper on the fun. Once I got overzealous and put the glowstick all the way in to where I couldnt see it anymore. It took a long time to coax out. The other time, the plastic had some imperfections and ended up slicing the inside of my penis a bit. It burned like a thousand suns when I peed for about a week.

So, uh, how was he when he was a kid?

Before I was all the way through puberty I would take coke bottles and squeeze all the air out. Then, I’d cover my penis in conditioner or shampoo and let the suction pull my penis into the bottle with a little coaxing from my fingers. I was too young to ejaculate this time, but I think I was getting sexual arousal from it. I loved getting in the bath and making coke bottle terrariums with my penis. Later, I’d go a little overboard with a vacuum cleaner hose and end up bursting some blood vessels in my glans. That was painful.

But wait, there’s more.

I also liked to get hard and tie zipties on my penis. I could masturbate and cum, but the zipties would keep the cum from going out. It kind of hurt, but it was fun masturbating and getting off like 4 times. I started getting scared I’d do permanent damage and lost interest in the zip ties though.

Meh. That seems pretty normal in comparison. At least he’s not going to pierce his frenulum any time soon. Mostly so he doesn’t have to explain a torn frenulum to his girlfriend. And I guess that’s the most surprising thing about this. That this guy has a girlfriend.