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‘Noah’ Takes First Place at the Box Office Even Though People are Mad About It

“Russell Crowe bathes in sweet, delicious Christian tears.”

Noah took top spot at the box office this weekend bringing $44 million in domestic sales. It beat out Divergent and Muppets Most Wanted. But because people can’t separate fantasy from reality, they went in to see Noah (our review here, check it out) expecting it to be some sort of shot for shot recreation of a famous passage from the world’s #1 best selling piece of fiction, The Bible.

Ken Ham (you may remember him from his recent debate with Bill Nye) even blogged about it. He was none too happy. Disgusted even.

I am disgusted. I am going to come right out and say it: this movie is disgusting and evil—paganism! Do you really want your family to see a pagan movie that portrays Noah as a psychopath who says that if his daughter-in-law’s baby is a girl then he will kill her as soon as she’s born? And when two girls are born, bloodstained Noah (the man the Bible calls “righteous” in Genesis 7:1) brings a knife down to the head of one of the babies to kill her—and at the last minute doesn’t do it. And then a bit later, Noah says he failed because he didn’t kill the babies. How can we recommend this movie and then speak against abortion? Psychopathic Noah sees humans as a blight on the planet and wants to rid the world of people.

The anal beads which he thought were pearls that he gave to his wife would have been clutched had he allowed her to see this. Clutched, I say! How dare another person interpret Ken Ham’s Bible differently than himself for a work of art.

I feel dirty—as if I have to somehow wash the evil off myself. I cannot believe there are Christian leaders who have recommended that people see this movie.

He’s going to soak his steel loofah in Holy Water and start scrubbing as hard as he can while saying 20 Hail Marys.

It’s as if someone heard the name Noah, and that there was a Flood and an Ark, and then made up a pagan movie about it. I don’t think there is anything else that really has to do with the Bible’s account except some names of people! For example, Methuselah is some sort of witch doctor who can do magical things. There is much more I could say about it—so much more. And what’s with the bizarre fallen angels being living rocks that help Noah?

This is a lot like the criticism Marvel or DC get when parts of their movies don’t line up with the comic books. I could feel the spittle from his impotent nerd rage while reading this.

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Hard Little Machine
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Hard Little Machine

Ken, it’s a fucking movie you zealot retard.

Ian Harac
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Ian Harac

“Psychopathic Noah sees humans as a blight on the planet and wants to rid the world of people.” As opposed to Yahweh, who sees humans as a blight on the planet and wants to rid the world of people — and then does so? That’s sort of, uhm, the entire POINT of the Noah story: Humans suck, so God kills them all (except a couple), and, for some reason, also kills all the animals and plants, even though, being infinitely powerful, he could just have made every human crumble into dust or teleported them into the sun or whatever, but… Read more »

Rocketboy1313
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This mans moon logic is not the same as our Earth logic.

2words1finger
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“Grrr, this movie didn’t line up with the TRUE account that is found in my collection of ancient middle-eastern tribal myths!!!!111!!!111!!” I actually feel sorry for Ham. What a miserable life this guy must have, to be so full of anger and hate and fear. How small and weak and insignificant he must feel, especially after being publicly humiliated and thoroughly schooled by Bill Nye. The guy doesn’t seem to realize that the “god” of the “old testament” was in fact a childish, spiteful, psychopathic mass-murderer. He was the leader of an insignificant cult who instructed his followers to “go… Read more »

DutchS
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DutchS

Speaking as a Christian, non-believers like you often understand the Bible better than Christians because you’re not blinded by false piety. Christians look at the massacre of Jericho and get all worked up about the walls coming down, and you correctly say it was barbaric and evil. If humans are fallen and prone to evil, then there are NO heroes in the Old Testament. They were all thieves, thugs and murderers, and that’s precisely the point.

antimule
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antimule

The part that gets most non-believers angry was the fact that violence in OT isn’t just descriptive but also prescriptive. God ordered those killings. OT doesn’t just describe what “thieves thugs and murderers” are doing, those guys have a warrant from their God to do those things.

It is really not that hard to see where did Martin Luther got the idea to persecute Jews and peasants in revolt.

DutchS
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DutchS

Anything that gets Ken Ham frothing at the mouth is good.

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