Jonah Hill Promised to Kiss the Tip of Channing Tatum’s Penis

Channing Tatum somehow managed to turn from “that douchey dude who dances in that dancing movie” to an all around solid, funny, charming guy. Need more proof? How about his interview with GQ where he admits Jonah Hill promised to kiss the tip of his penis through his underwear if 21 Jump Street broke $35 million its opening weekend. We’ve all been there, amirite?

On what Jonah Hill told Tatum he would do if Tatum was correct in his prediction that 21 Jump Street would break $35 million its opening weekend:
“I will kiss your tip! I will kiss the tip of your dick through your underwear if we make $35 million.”

Tatum has yet to cash in on the bet because no one is a winner there. Unless they take pictures, in which case, everyone is a winner. “That’s a bad bet to lose—it’s not too good to win, either. But definitely the shame of it would be enjoyable. It’s my trump card, for sure. He tries not to bring it up at all costs. Unless he did something horrible to me, I don’t know if I could ever cash it in. It would change our relationship forever.”

I know what he means. It’s like that one time in college when I… nevermind.

On alcohol:
“I probably drink too much, you know. My wife, that’s what she bought into.… I’m probably a pretty high-functioning, I guess, you know, I would say, alcoholic, I guess. There’s probably a tendency to escape. I equate it to creativity, and I definitely equate it to having a good time.”

This is a sentiment shared by everyone in the world. Nothing too shocking there.

On Gambit:
“the only superhero I really followed.… He was the most real to me: smoking, drinking, women-loving, thief. He just looked cool to me. I’ve always loved him. And obviously he’s Cajun.”

I used to think Gambit was just some dopey superhero who threw around a bunch of playing cards like the world’s worst magician but, when he puts it like that, Gambit sounds awesome.

On his invisible friend:
“His name was Boy. I think I just lived in an imaginary world. I was always playing war in the woods, people are chasing me… I wasn’t doing it because I was desperate for friends. I had friends.”

What we can get from this is Channing Tatum was not the most original kid.

On the TV show, The Biggest Loser:
“I really do love it. It’s terrible and it’s bad, but I really do think it’s because I have an inner fat kid in me. I can completely lose myself into just absolutely satisfying things—a really amazing cheeseburger, a pizza, good fries, a beer. I enjoy being comfortable and eating whatever the hell I like.”

And I bet that fat kid inside him still has a six pack.

On cake:
“I just love cake. Confetti cake, to be specific. It has little colored candies inside the cake, and then you get the confetti icing, which is really hard to find sometimes. It’s really hard to explain to people, because it’s not icing with sprinkles on top. It’s icing that actually has candies inside of it. It’s Funfetti icing. It’s a beautiful mix. It is an angel sent from heaven.”

Man, what a fatty.

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