Dog the Bounty Hunter Vows to Track Down War Machine

Formerly disgraced Dog the Bounty Hunter has vowed to bring War Machine to justice. Hoping to build some goodwill and finally make everyone forget that racist tirade that brought his show to an end, Dog said in a statement, “We’re very close to him right now, the bell has really rung now. It takes a lot after the bell rings to make the first step into that ring, doesn’t it? This is the bell of your life, it just rang, be a man and step in.”

At first glance, that statement sounds pretty ominous, but reading it some more you have to wonder what the hell he was trying to say. Maybe this is one of his bounty hunting tricks. Confusion.

Surprisingly, War Machine already responded to Dog. Four years ago. In a tweet sent out in March 2010, War Machine wrote, “If Dog the Bounty Hunter came to get me I’d beat his ass!”

Dog sort of responded to that tweet in an interview with MMAMania.

But, wait, you don’t use lethal force …

For 31 years, I’ve used non-lethal weapons. My weapons will drop a rhinoceros. Brother, I can not believe the new stuff they got going on, I’m telling you. I used it the other day and I was like, “Oh my God!” And this guy was huge, more than 300 pounds. So, you don’t have to kill them. Over the years — after 6,500, 7,000 arrests — you realized you don’t need to use deadly force. We’ve gone up against guns, but it’s about who is quickest on the draw. If you have a firearm, and he outdraws you, you’re shot. It’s all about being smart. If you have a non-lethal weapon, and you’re quicker on the draw than him, he’s going down. We won’t kill him, but at the same time, you won’t see Dog Chapman versus the “War Machine” because I’m not stupid — he’d probably break my nose. But, you may see him eat Dog Chapman’s taser.

If you cornered “War Machine” in a home or building, how would something like that go down … would you bring extra muscle? Your son, Leland, of course is well-versed in mixed martial arts.

No, we have the exact same crew that we always do. Every single one of them have their own connection to the MMA world. I need the whole team there even though this guy isn’t the most dangerous guy we’ve gone after. We’ve gone after murderers and [Max Factor heir] Andrew Luster was wanted for like 18 counts of rape – that guy was insane. He had like $200,000 cash in his hand, too. He’s definitely not the most dangerous, but we still need to be careful. He’s not like your local crackhead, you know?

If there’s one thing people are looking forward to, it’s War Machine convulsing on the ground while 50,000 volts surge through his body.

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